There are, however, still times that I find myself over thinking things. The one that I focus on almost everyday is my job. I have gotten better over the years and have dramatically reduced the stress I had felt from work. Over the past ten years, my stress had caused me to become sick. I had developed an ulcer in my stomach in high school and over the years any stress would cause a flare up. It wasn't until several years ago, I found out how much damage I had actually done to my stomach from all the years of stress.
It was my thoughts that made me sick. It was my stress that I was creating in my head. No one can make me stressed. Only I can do that. So I was a little surprised when this past week I started to see symptoms that I had in the past.
Just like everything I do now, I looked at this. I knew if I started to think that I was going to be sick again, then it would become true. I have been very careful to not think like that. I do however talk with my friends and family to share my concern that I am scared of being sick again. I need to acknowledge my fears, talk about them and then let go. If I don't, my fear will come true.
I did notice that when I let go of my fears, I started to look at things a little more. What I saw was the reason the symptoms started again. Work had been busier than usual, I worked a very long stretch of days and was not getting enough sleep during that time. I also saw that I really was not eating or drinking any where close to what I should normally, especially when I was working harder than normal.
Once I realized that my symptoms did not just appear out of the blue, I wasn't afraid anymore. I actually called my doctor that day. Not only was I changing the way I thought about my issue but I was going to stop it before it got out of hand this time.
I know I will still have to have a procedure and be on some medications, but it is on my terms now. I am not sick everyday and I know intervening right now will stop its course from going any further.
It is my body telling me that I am not taking care of myself. If I don't pay attention to the warning signs it will continue to get worse until it becomes unmanageable. I always had a habit to keep pushing myself more everyday. To work as much as I can, always fearing that I would get sick again. I thought I was preparing to be ready finically. What I learned is it is not about preparing for the future. It's about being able to be there for the future. If I don't take care of myself and my own well being I can not do anything for anybody, including myself.
I absolutely love what I do for a living. I can not imagine doing anything else. Staying healthy, mentally, physically and spiritually is the only way I can continue to do what I love. My co-workers ask me all the time if I am scared of losing my job, and I tell them no. Would I be upset to be let go, absolutely, but my job, is not worth my life. One of the very first things they tell us in EMS is to make sure the Scene is Safe. Why do we want to know this? Because, we can not save anyone if we get hurt.
We all need to look at our lives like that. Our own life is the most important thing. We can not be there for anyone else unless we are healthy ourselves. In anything, any of us do, we need to go into it, asking if the scene is safe. It should always be about you.
I also just want to say that I understand our world is not perfect. I still do things that aren't always right and may even be a little selfish at times. I do recognize those times in myself. It keeps me from doing it all the time. I also know who I am. I know anything I ever do I have thought about the effects it has on others. So, it should be about you. Just understand you need to know who you are and what motivates you in life.